It’s funny, but sometimes it’s hard
to see your own progress until you revert to who you once were. No fundamental
change has occurred, no earth shattering realization of a new guiding ideal
within me, nothing grand like that. Just one day of acting as I would have not
even six months ago opened my eyes to the reality that even though I have a
long way to go, I have come so far. Even some of the people I once looked up to
seemed less than ideal. My view has altered and I see the world differently.
But my view is not without its
flaws. New problems and new solutions are all around me. Things I would have
never considered are in my thoughts regularly. Yet, I make the same mistakes as
I always have. If just a bit of excitement can make me back-pedal so much, am I
really changed at all in any lasting way? So, how can I continue with the end
in mind without becoming discouraged? I want to do so much, be so much more
than I am now. I am not who I was but I am not much more than that either.
How can I stay motivated and
hopeful? No matter how many inspiring people I meet or how many touching
experiences I am blessed to have, the doubt always finds its way back into me.
No matter how extraordinary my routine is, I get stuck in the drudgery of
repetition. No matter how many people go out of their way to support me, I
manage to fall on my face.
Ok, for now. That’s the best you can really
expect. But I want more than that.
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