I am a broken record.
Complaints are pointless when you disregard the advice and help people offer.
I bite my nails until they hurt, exposing the quick, I gnaw at my cuticles until they bleed, I chew the inside of my checks until places swell, I spend all the time I can with you and the rest wishing you were with me. You don't mind, but you don't care the way I do. But I can't leave these things alone.
At a single word of praise from you, my heart soars.
Your laughter warms my soul.
When you talk to me about the things you love, your eyes light up. I can't help but get excited and love those things too. Your dreams become my dreams. I'll do anything to see that light in you eyes. It should be enough to know you are happy and step out of the picture, but I can't.
This hurts. It is more annoying than a broken record, is more sore than my checks, and aches more than my mangled finger nails. Even when you are happy, even when I am with you, you are not mine. I want to share everything with you because you make everything better. But, you don't want me and I don't know why.
Friendships have ups and downs. Even the best of friends have arguments and say harsh things. You are my friend, but your words, whether of encouragement or chastisement, are powerful. I love you when you are happy, but I still love you when you aren't. When the light in your eyes disappears along with your good opinion of me. You can think the worst of me and you tell me. Just because I think you are right for me, I am not right for you. Indeed, perhaps you aren't right for me.
This hope will never die no matter how I try. It makes life harder, but you can't choose what your heart does.
At least I have time with you.
That keeps me happy.
But, even in your company, I am still alone.
No comments:
Post a Comment